You Changed My Life Once
by katos
Summary: This story is a look at how Amanda and Det. Matthews may have met. It takes place before the first movie.


Author's Note: This story is based on the Saw movie franchise. I loved the first three and found Amanda's character particularly interesting. This story takes place the first movie and is just an idea I had about Amanda and Det. Matthews' first meeting. Please read and review

You Changed My Life Once

Detective Matthews wearily rubbed his eyes. He hadn't gotten a descent night's sleep in he couldn't even remember how long. He looked down at his hand and realized that he had once again accidentally put on his wedding band on his way out the door. He cursed and slipped it off, considering flinging it into a nearby gutter for and second and then slipping it into his pants pocket.

He turned the corner and saw what he had been looking for, a couple of black and whites with their lights on surrounded by a crowd of fascinated onlookers. He walked up to his partner, Detective Kerry Parker. She was a tall attractive woman with dark curly hair which she was constantly trying to beat into submission.

"So what have we got here?" He asked elbowing one of the crowd out of the way so he could get a clear view of the crumpled body and the congealing pool of blood.

"Pretty open and shut. It looks like he was stabbed walking out of that club." She motioned with her head towards an open doorway that was spilling angry throbbing music into the night air. "He's a known drug dealer that narcotics have had their eye on for a while and his death is most likely drug related." She said turning to look at him for the first time since had walked up. "You look like shit."

"Still can't sleep." He said matter-of-factly.

"Well, maybe if you took better care of yourself…" She started.

"Save it. I don't need another lecture." He said cutting her off. He knew that she was only trying to help but sometimes her care and concern could be really fucking annoying. "I'll start the canvas."

He walked off and started asking questions of all of the kids wearing eye-liner and enough metal in their faces to stock a hard ware store. Most of them were stoned out of their minds or had seen "nothing."

It is going to be a long night he thought to himself as he caught a glimpse of a girl standing in the mouth of the alley way. She was dressed in all black like the others but she didn't have any facial piercings. Must be a new recruit he thought and a ghost of a smile played across his lips as he made his way over to her. He couldn't help but notice how her short skirt and corset top showed off her figure.

"Did you see anything that happened here tonight?"

"That depends. You got a light?" She asked holding out her cigarette. He obligingly pulled out his lighter and then waited while she took a deep drag. Her hands were steady and she didn't have any of the tell tale shakiness of someone who had just witnessed a violent crime, something that unsettled and intrigued him.

"So what did you see?"

"That guy." She motioned with her cigarette towards the corpse on the concrete "walked out, talked to another guy dressed all in black and the next thing you know the first guy is dead."

"Did you get a good look at the other guy?"

"No it was dark and he had a hood on."

"Did you know the first guy?" Detective Matthews asked trying to stifle a yawn. This kind of case frankly just bored him to tears.

"Nope, this was my first time here. I just stepped outside to smoke and caught the tail end." She dropped her cigarette and stomped it out. She adjusted her top making it even more revealing and Det. Matthews couldn't help but stare.

"You do this often?" She asked noticing that his eyes had left her face.

"What's that?" He asked remembering himself and looking up.

"Shamelessly check out strange women in dark alleys?" She asked her mouth twisting into a half smile.

"What, no…I wasn't…" He stammered.

"Yes, you were. It's okay. I don't mind." She said leaning closer to him. "My name's Amanda by the way."

"I'm Detective Matthews." He said and then changed his mind. "It's Eric."

"So, Eric, You want to get out of here?" She was inches away from him now. He looked over his shoulder at the rapidly clearing crime scene and thought of the mountain of paper work that awaited him at the office. He thought of his wife's last hateful words and his cold empty bed.

"Yeah that sounds great."

~*~

They were barely inside the door when Amanda pulled him roughly against her. Normally he was more of a take slow kind of guy, have a drink, set the mood, but something about her ferocity excited him. He kissed her hard and began to fumble with the clasp of her top. They stumbled towards the bed, shedding clothes as they went.

He threw her down and she gasped leaning towards him and biting his lip. They pushed and pulled at one another for a few minutes of delicious struggle before he was inside her.

"Harder." Was all she said as she pulled him closer to her so that she wouldn't have to look at him.

~*~

Amanda woke up later that night and it took her a few seconds to remember where she was. She rolled over and looked at the stranger sleeping besides her trying to remember who he was. He was the cop. What was his name? Eric, yeah, it was Eric…Matthews.

"Hey I actually got a last name, that's better than usual." She thought to herself as she slipped out of bed. She grabbed his under shirt and her underwear off of the floor and made her way to the bathroom.

She closed and locked the door behind her out of habit. She ran some water splashing it on her face and staring at her self in the mirror. She could feel herself start to shake as the memories that had been silent for a few empty minutes started to over whelm her again.

She could see her step-dad standing in her doorway refusing to look away. She could feel his rough, fat hands on her, could her him telling her that this was how all little girls loved their daddies.

She gripped the edge of the sink so hard her knuckles went white.

"Please stop." She begged the air around her.

She had run away for the last time when she had been fifteen and been making her own way in the city for the past five years. She ran a hand over the collection of scars on her inner arm. She had learned quickly that a little bit of blood helped her feel in control again. She had also discovered that a few minutes of sweaty anonymity could silence the memories if only for an instant.

She closed her eyes and was greeted by a hoard of meaningless faces, all those she'd used and been used by in her attempt to get away, to be someone else. She ran her hand further up her arm and finger the bump from were the bones hadn't quite healed right. That had been the first time that she had learned that saying "no" didn't really matter.

She flung the door on the medicine cabinet open frantically scattering its contents until her finger finally landed on a set of nail clippers. She forced the sharp point into her wrist until she saw the first satisfying red drops in the sink.

She hated that she still felt powerless. That she was still running, still unable to escape. She felt anger boil inside her. She wanted to break something, to hurt someone, spread some of the chaos that was buzzing inside her brain.

Without really thinking she curled her hands into fists and slammed them into the mirror on the front of the medicine cabinet again and again until the sink was a mess of blood and shards of glass.

~*~

Eric was jolted awake by the sound of glass shattering in the bathroom. He jumped out of bed hurriedly pulling on his pants and running to the bathroom door. It was locked. He pounded on it.

"Are you okay?" He tossed around in his sleep addled brain for her name. "Amanda, what's going on in there?" The only response was the sound of her sobbing. He pounded again and then gave up and threw his shoulder into the door breaking the lock.

She was crouched in the corner surrounded by broken glass with blood running freely down her arms and pooling on the floor.

"Oh, shit." He breathed grabbing a towel from the rack and kneeling besides her to assess the damage.

"Amanda, show me your arms." She obediently held them out. He saw that the cuts were too numerous and deep for him to stop the bleeding.

"Put this on your arms." He said handing her the towel. "I'm going to call for help." He ran into the next room and grabbed his phone and punched 9-1-1.

"This Detective Eric Matthews, I need an ambulance to 1812 Riverside Apartment 14. I have a friend who cut herself and is bleeding badly."

"Put pressure on the wound and an ambulance will be there shortly." The dispatcher answered.

Eric threw down his phone and returned to the bathroom. Amanda was just sitting there holding the towel. She looked up at him when he entered and she looked so small and frightened that he couldn't help but want to comfort her.

"Here." He said wrapping the towel snuggly around one wrist and then the other. He sat on the floor beside her and put an arm around her. She stiffened at his touch but then relaxed against him.

"An ambulance will be here in a second. You're going to be fine."

"No I'm not." Amanda said more to herself than to him.

"What happened?" He pressed gently.

"I just wanted it to stop?"

"What?"

"Everything." They sat in silence, Eric doing what he could to keep pressure on her arms. He didn't need her to explain any further, he knew what she meant. He had lost count of the number of times that he had laid out all of his sleeping pills and thought about how easy it would be to simply never wake up again. The only thing that had stopped him had been the thought of his son growing up alone. He had to believe that a failure of a father was better than no father at all.

~*~

Eric stood outside of the curtained area of the emergency room were Amanda was being stitched up. The full implications of what had happened that night were starting to wash over him. He stared down at his blood stained pants and tried to fight of the thought that his career was over. He had left a crime scene with a material witness who he had then fucked and watched nearly bleed to death. For all he knew she was a crazy junky, whore who had been involved with the murder. He cursed himself for being so stupid. These sentiments were echoed by his partner who walked up beside him and jabbed him hard in the ribs.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She hissed angrily.

"I know." Was all that he could say as he stared at a spot on the linoleum.

Kerry stepped around him and pulled back the curtain to see Amanda. She was deathly pale and had been placed in restraints because of being an obvious suicide risk.

"I knew things were bad, Eric. I had no idea that they were this bad. Do you realize that this could cost you your shield?" Kerry said turning back to face him.

"I don't know what to do." He said feeling like he was feeling as though he were drowning in quick sand. She stared at him for a long minute as though deciding something and then pulled a folder out of her jacket.

"What's this?"

"This is a typed report for you to sign stating that this girl broke into your apartment searching for drugs and broke the cabinet when she couldn't find any." She said flatly.

"No one will ever belief this." He said taking the folder and reading over the report.

"They will if you plant this on her." She said producing a bottle of pills from another pocket.

"Oxycotin." Eric said reading the label.

"Its enough to get her sent up for a good long while."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked genuinely surprised.

"Because, Eric, no matter what stupid thing you pull I can't seem to stop caring about you." She said her voice breaking slightly. He reached out and took her hand which she immediately pulled away.

"Look, do what you need to do and I'll see you tomorrow." She said taking a step away from him and then heading down the hall.

Eric watched her go then looked down at the pills and report in his hands. It would be so easy. Without giving himself another second to reconsider he slipped into the curtained area and dropped the pills into the pocket of Amanda's jacket that was draped over a chair.

"What are you doing here?" Amanda asked her voice think with exhaustion. He flinched involuntarily but forced himself to smile.

"You're awake. How are you feeling?" He asked crossing to her bed.

"Like shit." She said trying to sit up but feeling the restraints. "What are these?"

"It's just a precaution. They were scared that you would try to hurt yourself again. Look, I've got to go change before work but I'll come by and check on you later." He lied and then turned to leave.

"Eric." She said quietly and he stopped. "Thank you."

He felt his stomach contort with a powerful spasm of guilt and walked away from her. He hurried past an exam room were a doctor was telling a stone faced man that he was dying of brain cancer and had less than a year to live. He had to get out of here. He swallowed hard forcing himself not to think about the life he had just ruined. Instead, he thought about his son who he couldn't possibly support if he lost his job


End file.
